Turning 18

I turn 18 in two days, and it scares the living hell out of me. Normally I view birthdays as just "another year older," but 18 is different. It's when people expect you to do everything yourself. No more mother. No more tether. Good luck, and if you fuck up, too bad.

And that scares the shit out of me.

Normally I hate my mother, but in this case I don't know. She's at least been there (well, somewhat). Now she's talking about kicking me out, me finding a job (which I've been trying to do anyway), doing more work around the house, etc. I don't mind doing more work. I don't mind having a job. The prospect of being on my own though is still somewhat scary.

As much as I'd like to be alone, I don't think I'm ready yet. Living on my own seems nice. No more idiotic mother, no more dealing with idiots at home, no more constraints. Of course, then I have to deal with a boss. I have to deal with idiots at work (not unlike my old job, which to this day I loathe). And of course I'll have bills to pay.

So what I keep asking myself...is it worth it being on my own? Even though inevitability is marching forward, and I'm going to eventually leave, I still find myself wondering what I'll do when I leave home and enter the Real World.